Fort Edmonton Park

Fort Edmonton Park 

Located on the banks of the North Saskatchewan River

The Fort - Fur Trading Era  1795 to 1870

Rowand House - A home within the fort built for the Chief Factor of the Hudson Bay Company's Saskatchewan District.  (Hence the term factory in later years).

A plaque on the Clerk's Quarters Building

One of the four towers at the corners of the enclosure

Clerk's Quarters

Entrance and an antique truck that we saw people driving :-)

Notice the grassy roof on what I think is the Ice House

The Watchtower

Clay Bake Oven

Wood Pile for fuelling everything!  Note pointed spikes on log fence to keep out the bears...guess that's the main reason they had to make it a fort because of the wild animals.

Brilliant three-holer outhouse :-)

It seems this might be the Horse Stable with some sheep in the foreground.

Off on our horse-drawn carriage ride....really two lovely and well-trained and behaved work horses...don't know their names, but they reminded me of our team from when I was a kid... [Peach and Jean]...and the carriage was really a wagon with benches...but we felt pretty special no matter how you look at it.

She was the gentlest of drivers with the softest voice and had those horses responding effortlessly to her requests.  She was phenomenal to watch!

Settlement Era 1871 to 1891

1885 Street 

Jasper House Hotel

McDougall's General Store

Secord Complex and Ross Brothers' Hardware

James McDonald's Carpentry Shop and Bellrose School

Municipal Era - 1892 - 1914

1905 Street

Anglican Church of St. Michael & All Angels

Rutherford House and Firkins House next door (supposedly haunted)

The Firkins House was built by a dentist from the U.S.A.  It was the first in the area to have stucco on the exterior.  The interpreter was telling us about who haunted the house.  A little girl had been pushed downstairs by the dentist's daughter for the second time.  She hit her head on a radiator....Once the tour was over the interpretor told us he had only made that story up for a laugh...It was kind of creepy at the time, though because it was just getting dusk and we were right across the street from "Tent City"...wish I had a picture, but it was a place where people were living for up to two years waiting for a decent home to be built.  The tents had to be built on a platform to avoid the damp and cold and stop a condition where a foot never dried out called Trenchfoot.

Original street lights.

One of the largest buildings on the street - the Masonic Hall.

Around the next corner was 1920 Street which was the Metropolitan Era from 1914 to 1929  (Unfortunately, I didn't get any pictures here, because we became mesmerized watching a coyote playing around a big garbage bin!)

Fort Courtyard

Gunpowder Display

Family close by.

Kids playing.

Ear plugs?

The court yard soon filled with gunpowder smoke!

Lead pellets....buck shot?

Left a hole by the looks of it...

Next people got to practice building a fire by striking two flint rocks together and making sparks fly.

As you can imagine, this is only a sample of what is actually at the park.  If you would like to read more about this subject, go to the following link,

http://www.fortedmontonpark.ca

Later we were served a scrumptious meal in the Clerk's Quarters and bussed back to our hotel.  Thank you to our Alberta hosts for the wonderful experience!

De Plane

I arrived in Edmonton via a West Jet flight around noon and came straight over from the airport.  It was almost an hour's drive, which is ironically about how long the flight was.  Flying is a funny thing.  You have to be at the airport 90 minutes early, about 9:00 a.m. for a 10:35 a.m. flight.  You hang around and rush around.  You have far too much stuff to carry including coat, backpack, and purse.  You sweat.  You try to juggle a hot cup of coffee, a boarding pass that they're printing on thinner paper than ever. Pray to God that you don't spill coffee on it.  Did you remember your passport?  No....well then, dig out two pieces of government issued photo ID.  Well I only have one with a photo, so that has to suffice. I've smartened up and decided to buy the coffee after I go through security.   Now they have Keurig coffee makers on the 'other side'...  Of course, my first attempt was a malfunction and ran only clear water... so had to do it twice.   You know, you just lay all your bags down, and then you have to do it again.  After you drink the coffee, you head over to the ladies room so you don't have to use those God-forsaken units on the plane.  The stewardess reiterated this point during her announcements.  "The toilets are up front and very small".  It worked, I can't say I saw one person leave their seats to make the trek.  I guess most people can hold it for an hour. The toilets and sinks in the bathrooms at the airport worked absolutely fine and were exceptionally clean.  The stalls were even big enough for all my luggage and me.  The chairs were uber comfy in the waiting area and the overhead paging wasn't as bad as it can be.

They're renovating at the airpor,t so to board the plane, you have to go downstairs to the ground floor, walk through this massively long tunnel, that turns into a very long makeshift quonset. They have huge concrete blocks making up the path and they aren't really secure because with all the rolling luggage, there's quite a few extra clickety clacks. Oh, and don't bother putting your boarding pass and ID away while you're on that long walk, because although no stewardess has ever even hinted at wanting to see it...this time she does "because you're coming from the unsecure ground level" is what I thought I heard her say.  My hearing seems to be going somewhat...  So you stop and start rifling through your purse and hold everybody up who is behind you.    You smile and move aside slightly so they can force themselves by.  Smile again when jabbed by that buckle!

Go find your seat and realize the guy in front of you is sitting across the aisle from you in 12C.  He has just deposited two gigantic carry-ons and gone ahead, without asking, and filled your overhead bin spot with his luggage, the one obviously reserved for the 12B occupant -- you -- where you would normally put your backpack and coat....So you smile once again..(being Canadian, we do these things).  You have to back up at least two seats to find an open space above 10B.  Later when you get off, you will have to be the last one out, just so that you can retrieve your things.

This plane didn't have a bathroom in the rear, but it did have another exit there which sure helped when the time came.  For some reason, we were delayed being allowed to deplane because somebody from customer service had to be phoned to physically come out and either open the doors herself or give his permission to have someone else open the doors. There were at least 20 workers scurrying around outside...with not a thought to opening a door it appeared.  Personally,  I think they were racing to see if they could get the luggage moved to the terminal before any of the passengers got there.  They wanted to wow us and make our heavier bags already be  going round and round on the carousel, so that when we arrived we would be so thrilled....Sure enough mine was there before I was.... for the first time ever.  Was I thrilled, of course...

And, as we know, rules are rules, and some people follow them to the letter.  Even though the reasons can sometimes be rather obscure. Reminds me of the joke about the people on the escalator when it stalled...they had no idea what to do and stood there debating what to do for hours...  Hmmm...things you just don't know when you're the passenger.   Twenty or so minutes later the doors were opened and we started to move...  At least they kept the air flowing the whole time, so we were breathing fresh air, (I think- or at least a semblance of it as it comes to us through this gigantic hose attached to the plane).  I've been on planes, where there was suddenly NO air and a person actually passed out, no word of a lie.  They had to start oxygen on her.  If I had been closer I would have tried for the odd whiff myself, but alas, I was not, and just had to tough it out.

Two fairly young men were sitting ahead of me and gossiped all the way there.  Luckily for them I really couldn't tell much of what they were saying except things like, "did she really say that?"   You know so and so and he's just such a ....."  Is that any different than women?

Praise God, the girl beside me was young and wanted to sleep.  She wore a toque that she pulled down over her eyes and I was amazed at what a brainiac idea that was!  Because the band of the toque fit exactly around her ears so she couldn't hear anything either.  I loved sitting beside her because she was all curled up against the window and she didn't even try for the arm rest.  I got it all to myself!!  She did miss snack though, which was something I thoroughly enjoyed...Tomato juice and sesame bits.  I could have eaten a whole pail of them they were so good....but as usual, we were on the one pack limit.  Notice how they never offer you seconds on the plane?  They did offer complementary booze though....I've never seen that before, but you may have.  I think they were happy about their decision to sling free liquor prior to the door opening fiasco.  You can imagine the people who are always the first to leap out of their seats and grab their stuff from the overhead bins. The guy who filched my luggage spot was one of them.  He was also someone who had a nice big glass of red wine.  Those people got to stand and stand and stand and stand.  Again, it was only an hour flight, so if they had imbibed something without using the facilities prior to take-off, it might have been a tad uncomfortable for some.  With everybody standing up in the aisle, there was no way to reach the up front bathroom even if you had to.

Several people always have to be told to shut their devices off when about to take off.  In fact, the girl beside me was one of them...She turned it on again the second the wheels touched the ground.  I heard her tell somebody on the other end that she was starving....  The wind was whipping at about 60 mph when we walked across the open-air tarmack....are they renovating every where?

Count Down

Count Down

The count down is on....I'm 59 and closing in on 60 fast....Only a few more days .... and it'll be the big oh oh..... no...six oh.  But honestly, it sounds worse than it actually is.  At some point in my life, I realized these awkward, hard-aged milestones really do get easier....I'm not kidding.  You know, people will say they had a gruesome time turning 30 and didn't know what to do with themselves, or which way to turn. They fell into a funk and stayed there for a little too long.  Others say it was 40, or 50...Well, as of Monday, I will have now marked the sixth decade and looking back, it could definitely have been worse.  I have to say turning 60 seems alot more low key and uneventful, than I would have thought it would be when I was 20.  In fact, at 20, I would have shuddered at the thought.  Even emotionally, I haven't spent days on end navel gazing or feeling sorry for myself.  Some of you might be thinking, "just shut up already" and they are right because everybody is different and all I know is how I'm coping, and not how you're doing.

I think my family have been more on edge about it than me....basically because in our family, it's always a major event when someone approaches, reaches and gets past 59.  You see, some of us have gotten stuck on 59 and never left.  Others have stalled dramatically and only moved forward with a really good kick-start like open-heart surgery or something like that.  So far, I'm grateful to say, I'm still like the Easter Bunny with fully-charged batteries. Single, but still going strong.

There's just far more to life than worrying about your age.  After all, I have discovered since I've turned at least 40 the truth that people really do become more of what they are as they age.  If they were beautiful all their life, they will be even MORE beautiful as they age.  I see it all around me.  If you looked great with a tan as a teen-ager, imagine what you will look like with a tan and snow-white hair? Fabulous.  I wouldn't know personally because I don't have much grey hair, but my Mom does.  If you were a total jerk with a filthy temper and really ugly when you got mad....that just doesn't go away.  You may change your personality entirely though....Someone like King Henry VIII was said to have been extremely handsome and kind before his (head) injury, I believe it was jousting.  After that he became cruel and morbidly obese and nothing like he was in his youth...

And aging people might live to learn a very valuable lesson....They might learn to compare themselves to the other folks born in their own decade and not to those who are old enough to be their children or grandchildren. Why compare apples to oranges?  Do you know how ridiculous it is to feel bad because you have deeper crow's feet or laugh lines than someone much younger than you?    Look around at the people your own age...because they are your only true comparables....As a friend of mine used to say, "don't you know that wrinkles are in?"

I have listened to an excellent speaker over these last couple of days and learned about my greatest strengths and what that means.   The speaker's name is Idahlynn Karre and the work is from Gallup, Inc.  Our group had to complete a questionnaire from www.strengthsquest.com first to have our five  Clifton StrengthsFinder Themes compiled.  Out of all these types of tests taken in the past, this one was probably one of the most accurate for me.  I have taken others such as the Myers-Briggs Test (a couple of times).  It figures out what type of personality you have.   This is mainly like whether you're an introvert or an extrovert.  I know that when I was younger, I was more extroverted and have become more introverted with the passage of time. Go ahead and type it into your internet search and take the test if you've never done so.  Another test was a colors test also to do with personality style, I think it was called True Colors.  Again, it comes up when you type it into your search bar.  My main colors were yellow, with blue and green tied for second place.  I am an oddity in that I usually don't fall into the typical results categories.  I tend to be combinations of more than one.  For instance, although yellow shows up as my main color (shows my organizational and administrative thinking and skills),  blue is for relationships and green for analytical thinking.  Many of my colleagues were fully one colour without all these other tendencies, but I'm not sure why.

This week's latest strengths-based test showed me as someone who is responsible and does what they say they will do.  OK, generally that's true.  Secondly, I am an achiever and push hard for results. Ask any of my neighbors who watched me scrape my garage door and 'finally' get it painted a couple years ago. Funnily enough, an achiever gets a dopamine rush when they complete a task, so that would also explain my penchant for crocheting item after item after item!  A theme in my last three categories was taking the complex and simplifying it for others...giving main points and streamlining explanations.  Partly because I have a hard time understanding things myself, I need to figure out a way to get it through my thick skull and try to find a way to remember it down the road.  What's easier than if something reminds you of something you're already familiar with?  The other part of that is because I'm basically lazy.  I don't like to do something and then turn around and do it again and again if I don't have to. I want to find a way to bring simple meaning to something difficult to understand.  Back in the day, my students seemed to appreciate the pictures I would paint for them (in their minds), the stories I would tell, and the linkages I would help them to make across some of their more difficult theories.  I guess as it turns out, that's a  valuable tool for any teacher to have, because there are bound to be students who struggle to understand concepts just like you.   I also trust that others know what they're doing and am confident that the best work gets done by the best person.  Consequently, the final three categories for me were self-assured, arranger, and learner.   Arranger definitely goes with "yellow" and I never have less than three or four books on the go, crafts, hobbies, or writings set up around my house in "stations" at any given moment.  Consequently, since much of this is exactly me, they have hit the nail on the proverbial head.  These attributes come in handy not only as a program head, but as a realtor.  Again, I am someone who juggles a variety of things all the time.  (At least, I didn't get Input, which is basically someone who collects ideas, people, and things....a hoarder, if you will....just joking because some of my best friends and relatives are serious collectors with quonsets, garages, and barns filled to the brim!).

Some of the other categories of the 35 possible ones were those who see everything as pieces of a puzzle - connectors.  Others who seek consensus are harmonizors.  Fairness and equality shows a person with consistency.  Typically, an activator takes action.  Someone who is restorative fixes and a relator is always looking into deeper relationships.  Someone who sees other people's strengths has a theme of individualization.  Someone who has strong values has belief while spotting potential could make you a developer.  A communicator is a good story teller, and someone with empathy is able to sense the feelings of others.  No question that someone who is futuristic sees things in a future context.    My list doesn't cover all possible themes, but might give you an idea of why you do some of the things you do.  If you're interested, it might be an area you try to find more information about.

The other thing the speaker talked about was that 45 days after conception, these strengths are formed in all of us before we ever leave the womb.  The size of the learning and strength area in the brain at that time is the size of a super highway...This moves rapidly over time to the size of a regular highway and down to a country road at a very young age.  Amazing what they have uncovered about all of this.

The final talk on the second day was about "The Hero's Journey".  She showed us the 12 steps that occur in every movie you have ever seen.  It was amazing as she broke down three of the movies we all knew - the Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, and Harry Potter.   The concept shows how the hero moves from their ordinary world to crossing the threshold of a new world and all the angst and support they need to get there.  How the hero meets with an ordeal that makese them seize the storm and move on to reap the reward.  They hit the wall, but eventually get back on track, resurrect themselves, and return back to their ordinary life as a master of two worlds and always with the elixir....  "There's no place like home" was Dorothy's elixir...what she learned.  The Hero's Journey is a comparison for us as educators because it is almost exactly the same journey faced by our students... So true and so very poignant!!

So here I am, turning 60....learning and thinking about my strengths....not focusing on my weaknesses you might note!  That was the other part of the speaker's research....Don't focus on you or your child's or other's weaknesses, but build on the strengths instead!  OK, I am all about that.  Performance can only benefit from focusing on strengths.  You may never be any good at math, so do a job that you're good at...

As a result of all this new information, I'm motivated more than ever to work on another whole new project. Now I know a new little secret about how to approach the book I have always had on the back burner.  I have so much to do and no time for worrying about my age...did I mention that?

Saskatoon Exhibition Kick-Off Parade

Saskatoon Exhibition Parade

Thought I'd share the parade experience in our city on Tuesday.  I haven't seen it in a long while and went with my daughter and kids.  Unfortunately, the family pictures didn't turn out, except for the ones of my son's children and their Mom who were part of the parade!  We were so proud of them and they did well, walking the whole way.

These photos are taken with an iPhone, so please forgive me.....The man sitting next to me has a lovely set of knees and you will see alot of them (and his wife's).... :-)

Back end of the Police Rescue vehicle that lead the way...

First band in the line up...and the top of my grandson's head with the spider-man cap on it!

Busy camera man...

Ye olde firetruck...

Nice cars...

Very cool bike from way back when?

Lotsa horses...

Whitecap Dakota First Nation...

Horses and Buggy....

Could it be a member of parliament?  I think Don Morgan and his lovely wife.

See the big blast of fire Also very loud music that caused my baby grandson to cry his little head off! and nobody other than me, standing over top of him, could even hear!

See the building at the back?  Believe it or not, there was a man dangling from a rope apparatus washing windows...I wish I would have thought to get him in the picture....That fire breathing dragon was SUPER HOT and there's no doubt the window washer would have felt it.

My daughter-in-law, granddaughter, and grandson...still walking (we were on 3rd Ave. between 21st and 22nd Street and the parade started on Spadina Crescent and 24th Street.  A few blocks, but pretty long for little legs!

Royal Canadian Legion...

Pipe and Drum Band...I used to play drums in the Melfort Pipe and Drum Band!!  :-)

Lots of RCMP cars, but generally they were too fast for me to take a picture of .... remember, I was also holding the baby by now...   :-)......All the three little boys were absolutely mesmerized by the parade and behaved grandly!

This was a beautiful horse and rider....with clown alongside...

Fancy Arabian, (I think)...

Horses and carts...

Clydesdales..

Shriners Orchestra...you can see the back of the bell lyra ... I used to play one of those in our Hudson Bay High School Band :-)

Walking to the music of "Who Let the Dogs Out?"

And the back of my other grandson's head and his Mario hat :-)

City Mayor and Chief ...

There were plenty more things in the parade such as firefighters, ambulance, Elks, John Deere tractor at the very end etc, far too numerous to capture...Overall, it was a great parade once again!  Congratulations to the organizers for all the hard work put into the event.  We certainly enjoyed it!

Recurring Dreams

Hi all!

It's Saturday.  It's raining...and I feel like blogging...

Do any of you have recurring dreams?  I had another last night, the fourth that has run along a similiar vein in recent memory.  I used to live on a farm south of Hudson Bay, Saskatchewan in the community of Etomami. From the time I was 8 years old until I left home at 18, I lived there.  We started out living in the existing, old house, but built a brand new bungalow.

My recurring dream is always at that new house.  I am always there, usually inside that new house.  I either own it, am remodeling it, or am looking out the windows seeing so many different things.  Often, I realize, it has to do with the long evergreen tree-lined lane.  I'm watching out the picture window at some sort of stranger arriving...or driving right up.

The house is most often a refuge or safe haven from my all time fear - bears.  In the past I have dreamed all sorts of scenarios that involve bears, my children, parents, grandparents, brothers, sister, other relatives, friends and neighbours.  Alot of people I've known in my life have been around in some capacity in one or more of my dreams.

Generally I own the house (which I don't).  The farm was sold way back in the 1970's and the people still live there and have made all sorts of changes to the place.  It doesn't matter, there I am and they're not.

I thought I had reached a turning point about four dreams ago.  The reason was that my mom, brother, and daughter had arrived to stay in the dream, only to find the real owners there and not happy.  This was the very first dream that anyone was home.  They told us in no uncertain terms that we were to leave and find somewhere else to go.  We were talking about all the places we could go instead of there, but none of them worked.  Our recent age-old friend's home was a suggestion, but we all knew she wouldn't be there because she has passed away.  We even thought of going to a hotel in Hudson Bay.   I really thought when I awoke, that this might be one way my subconscious was letting go of the place....I was so excited about it, I even phoned a few people and said I thought this might change events.

I was obviously wrong.   Another dream had me in the kitchen and dining room with my mom and my granny (passed away in 1971).  Granny was mad about something....Dad was there too (standing along the sidelines), also passed away in 1992.  He was smiling and so was mom.

Recently, I watched a horror show (I never do this)....it had Liam Neeson in it, so I thought it would be good.  It was a little too true-to-life for my liking, but once I got watching, I was hooked you see and it was just before bed time.  It involved timber wolves....the mere mention of which makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up and goose bumps appear all over.  The old people in my life forever, such as the aunts and uncles and neighbours and grandparents always had a healthy fear and regard for timber wolves.  Every time the talk turned to these animals, they seemed to be growing bigger and healthier and their numbers increasing steadily.  They were to be shot on sight if they ever even came close to civilization.  I have known about them all my life, but because I only heard the lore about them, they always took a back seat to the bear...the grizzly being the worst....but grizzlies are not known to travel this far south.

So, back to my next dream.  There I was walking and carrying my baby daughter (who is now over 30), outside the house, on the road at the end of our long tree-lined lane...I had a brown paper bag full of groceries that dropped on the ground and had raw pork chops fall out.  I could see about four timber wolves racing towards us and I ran for all I was worth...(I can imagine what my arms and legs were doing in bed under the blankets at that moment).  They went for the pork chops I guess, because we got into the house safely.  Next, it was dark outside and as I looked out the picture window there were six of them staring in at me, growling.  Six sets of eyes were almost all that showed (just like the movie).  I was worried sick because I knew my mom was coming home from her Eastern Star meeting at midnight and would be caught unaware.  I knew I had to make sure the door to the porch was unlocked so she could get in quickly.  When I opened the house door, I saw that the porch door was uncloseable, standing ajar about a foot...the little lean-to porch had heaved with the weather and the thing wouldn't close.  I also realized the house door wasn't really a door but was just a black, heavy sleeping bag.  I frantically struggled to hang the sleeping bag corners on the two long nails at the top of the door and the agitation of it all I guess woke me up.

Last night, I dreamed that I awoke in my wonderful, fresh, cozy and clean bed.  Wherever I was, the air was cold and crisp on the west side of the house as the morning sun lit the sky rising in the east.  I suspected I was back in my new house on the farm at Hudson Bay, but wondered.  I got up to look out the bedroom window, and yes, it was the right place.  To my astonishment, there was a huge male lion standing on top of some straw bales behind the house.  He had a sleeping bag folded in a big square, strapped to his back.  I looked around and there were other straw bales and two lion cubs and their mother.  His family I could only guess.  Then I saw a little grouping of about six black and white cats.  I could scarcely believe my eyes.  

Next the doorbell rang and I looked out the window to see two young children, a boy and a girl of about seven...standing at the door to the porch.  They carried a box and asked if I had any groceries to spare.  They seemed to be starving and looked terribly sad.  I quickly pulled them into the house and no sooner did that than a friend of mine from P.A. showed up in her khaki safari outfit  (she travels to Africa on occasion)...She seemed to know the lions and said they were nothing to fear.  Another guy had backed his truck up to the door and said he had furniture to deliver for the new owner of this house.....whose name was Jerry Moore.....I have never heard of such a person, but the delivery man had a measuring tape and I was to help him move some of the furniture in.  It was only a half-ton truck, so not like a big moving van. The first item was a light weight set of blue and red bunk beds with no mattress, only these straw-colored rope-like things that looked like clothes line wire with plastic covering!    Then I woke up!

On examining these dreams, I think because I read that my animal is the lion, I wonder if perhaps they have taken over the yard to protect me from the timber wolves.  I guess I was staying at the house between owners??

These dreams are nothing if not interesting to me, yet getting more frequent and rather bizarre.  It would be wonderful to talk to someone who might know how to decipher them!

Spinning your wheels

Spinning your wheels

Waiting...waiting....waiting....what do you do now that your relationship has ended?  The word is out, or so you think that you are now alone.  After all, this isn't small town  or high school anymore.  This is being middle aged, living life in a city where you didn't grow up, in a big cruel world. By now, your entire world is full of couples and families living their daily lives, possibly sympathetic, but largely oblivious to the unique needs of you, the single person.  I believe there is a more sympathetic view toward the new widow or widower, but even so, many of the circumstances can be shared by those divorced, or those never married. The married person I understand, believes those not married to be living a grand social life....Would that be true in your case?  Surely, not mine.

In some cases, friends may invite you to attend functions with them like dinners or dances, as the third party. I don't know about you, but once may be enough to try that.  There's nothing like being the third wheel. Uncomfortable to say the least....especially when the friend insists you take a turn on the dance floor with their spouse and you are left feeling awful because you have to decline.  Why?  You can't get past the feelings..and what are these feelings you ask?  The kind where you don't want to horn in on any type of relationship of any possible friend.  You don't want to ever come between your friends and their partners.  You know that, but do they?  You will never know for sure, but do they actually cast sidelong glances your way thinking it would be best to ease away from a potential problem?  Could happen and does., in fact I think it's normal behavior and very common.  The other feeling is when those at the function know you and your history and understand that your friend is sharing their mate with you so you don't feel left out...all out of the goodness of their heart.  Nice of them, but totally says something sad about you.  The bottom line:  You shouldn't have tried to go to something like that so soon...like a Christmas party.

Back to the drawing board, you join a support group for those finding themselves suddenly single...The opposite sex are few and far between at the first meeting, and although disappointed, you still hope and pray the few there don't glom onto you in any way, shape or form.  It's too soon you tell yourself.  They must have issues or they wouldn't be there.  Just like you and you have enough of your own, so you can't possibly take on somebody else's.  One's too tall and one has funny eyes...You wish you could hide under the chair or escape out the window, but you hang in for the entire first session because you are too embarrassed to leave.  You start to sweat and turn beet red...You might miss the second session for this very reason.  By the third, you realize you are still looking for answers and really there is no one else to turn to.  In fact, the leader is delivering such great information, it would be a shame to miss out on any of it, so you go again.  By the time you get over 'yourself' and calm down, you come to the realization these people have about as much interest in climbing your frame as nothing.  All they want is a new friend, and if you're smart, you eventually get to that point too.  As a result of these support groups, maybe some participants will connect with each other in a romantic way, but if they do, they are in a far different place than you.  At the very least, you will make contacts and friendships that will likely always be there.  Six weeks comes and goes pretty quick and your weekly sessions end. We all agreed we were glad we went and felt better equipped to face the world.

Next is the inevitable hook up by a mutual friend or relative.  You possibly talk on the phone to the new person and then agree to meet somewhere for coffee.  You have your family on high alert and possibly driving around the block in case there's something amiss.  If you could put the police on speed dial you would.  You agonize about everything they might show up with, but especially the most intimate things...teeth condition, smell, cleanliness etc. And you go finally and meet them...Although it may not be love at first sight, you sit through the session anyhow...for the sake of the friend who set you up....and for yourself.  You decide upon leaving that this person is definitely not for you.  They talk too much, or have a funny look about them.  Yet, within the next day or so, they now show up at your house, unannounced....Although caught off guard, you invite them in  for a cup of tea. Once again, possibly not knowing how to shut them out, or even not knowing a polite way to tell them to take a hike.  Underneath, you secretly hope and pray it will work out so you no longer have to be alone. (What happened to being happy in your own company?) They continue to show up at random times and phone and start monopolizing your life.  You start getting used to them and they to you.  Occasionally, they make you laugh.  You meet their family and they meet yours, and on it goes.  You remind yourself that middle aged relationships are probably different than those in your earlier years.  You're likely never going to find your perfect ideal  mate...If you think you're going to wait around for perfection, you will be waiting forever.  So the relationship moves forward and you look forward to time when you can be together with that other person. So that's how it goes for possibly a very long time and then quicker than it started...the relationship is over.  One decides to move on, but both know without saying that the break was inevitable.

Time alone is healing, but you really do need to learn how to be happy with your own company.  Really, we can all be happy spending time by ourselves, even though nobody would argue that you live longer with a mate.  Couples seem to have so much more fun...just like blondes, that may be a myth.  Fun, love and caring for another person or whatever (dog, cat, fish)  does make the world go round.  Unless of course you are co-dependent, then you seem to have to live for someone else and can't be alone.  Let's say you're not, I don't think I am.  If you are freshly out of a relationship for whatever reason, be sure to give yourself time to grieve the loss.  If you dive right into something new, it could be a mistake.  I'm just saying give yourself a chance to spruce up in every way possible before making a move, especially in the self confidence department.  Personally, I would like to join up with others in places like at an old time dance club, card playing, neighborhood crafting..things I promise to do once I'm not so busy working full time...a cop out of course.

Online dating is what's left if you don't belong to community groups, clubs, or the bar scene.  Online dating can be quite disheartening.  Just when you find somebody you think might be good, they want nothing to do with you.  Basically though, I feel like there's something wrong with going through pictures and discarding possibly perfectly good people on the basis of how they look. We all know people with golden personalities and wonderful senses of humor that we love to be around.  Maybe they aren't great to look at, but we don't even notice it because they make us feel good.  That is the piece missing with these profiles and pictures.   Now for sure, there are people on there who look like they fell asleep in the gutter and had someone drag them out and take their picture to post...I'm not kidding.  There are people who refuse to post a picture and expect you to pay attention to them.  Are they kidding?  I started talking to someone like that, who did agree to post a picture.  Unfortunately, I discovered mid way through our initial discussions that he was newly out of prison, living in a basement suite in a neighboring village, looking for work...  Then there are the pictures of people who look like models...beware...these can truly be scammers and they will say whatever you ever wanted to hear all your life.  You are beautiful, they love you, they can't live without you.  They think only of you and on and on.  Run, don't walk.

I have met with a few members of the opposite sex through online dating....Most have not appealed to me. One had a mouth as foul as the sewers of Paris....and was nothing to look at.  Another was so dirty, I don't know how he got cleaned up long enough to have his picture posted. I tried dating someone from another culture for a time, but although he was a fine person, the cultural and age differences became far too pronounced.

You hear of old friends and acquaintances who also suddenly find themselves single.  You wonder if you should reach out.  You hesitate for fear it is too soon or that they think you are being pushy.  You want to be supportive, but you hang back.   If you're anything like me, you recognize other worldly signs and mine seem to come forward in dreams.  I have had on occasion a newly single male come to me in a dream.  In the morning, I have to think about the possibilities.  The dreams always surprise me...and there have been a few.  I would like to contact the person then, but doubt they are even aware of the concept not to mention open  to it...too weird.

I am not alone...there are many other singles both male and female, silently going about their business. If they find someone, I am very happy for them and wish them all the best.  I hope things work out.  If nothing else, you get to widen your circle of friends and maybe keep looking.  Life goes on, and one day maybe you will realize it doesn't really matter.  You may never meet your soul mate or the "one" or even the person who moved in and out of your life for a time.  This might just be it....you and your world...So enjoy your families, your grandchildren, your friends and co-workers.  Take pride in what you do and what you are contributing to the world just by being in it.  Love the outdoors and the changing of the seasons.  Find beauty, laughter and love in yourself and everything around you.

By the time you're elderly, many will be without partners, but a strange thing could happen...suddenly social lives could zoom into high gear.  The once middle-aged person is now eligible to join a local seniors group or move into a seniors housing complex and their lives come alive again.

Hang in there.